{"id":4405,"date":"2022-01-04T15:01:42","date_gmt":"2022-01-04T09:31:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/?p=4405"},"modified":"2025-01-16T10:28:21","modified_gmt":"2025-01-16T04:58:21","slug":"a-first-timers-guide-to-cuffing-season-in-a-pandemic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/a-first-timers-guide-to-cuffing-season-in-a-pandemic\/","title":{"rendered":"A First-Timer\u2019s Guide to Cuffing Season \u2014 in a Pandemic"},"content":{"rendered":"

A First-Timer\u2019s Guide to Cuffing Season \u2014 in a Pandemic<\/h1>\n

Ah, winter. It\u2019s not just the time when lights and pines go up and leave fall. The cold season is also when couples cuff up.<\/p>\n

Behold cuffing season. When the shack-up drive is so potent, a pandemic cannot stop it<\/a>\u2026<\/p>\n

On the contrary, pleasure-seekers are leaning into cuffing season with even more enthusiasm than ever before because it\u2019s one of the safest ways to date right now. Really!<\/p>\n

Remind me: What is cuffing season, exactly?<\/h2>\n

\"Woman<\/p>\n

Cuffing season refers to the time of year<\/a> when people start craving connection.<\/p>\n

The idea is that from October to March (ish), humans want to cuddle more than they do any other time of year and seek out a cuddle (and sometimes climax) buddy.<\/p>\n

The hypothesis is that when the temperatures rise again, these pairs split up for a saucy, sexy, sensual, and single spring and summer.<\/p>\n

Is there a factual basis for this?<\/h2>\n

Actually, yes! Far more than just a cutesy catchphrase with no basis, there are social, physiological, and emotional reasons why cuffing season is a thing.<\/p>\n

Testosterone levels rise<\/a>
\nOlder research suggests that as temperatures drop, natural testosterone levels rise.<\/p>\n

\"Man<\/p>\n

Testosterone = the horny hormone.<\/p>\n

In other words, the rise in testosterone can make you more interested in having romantic<\/a> and sexual company.<\/p>\n

Winter is the \u2018most dangerous season.\u2019
\nEvolutionarily speaking, it\u2019s a time when a warm body next to yours could be the difference between life and death.<\/p>\n

Dark, we know. But true!<\/p>\n

Seasonal depression is natural.
\nMany folks tend to feel more lonely or sad in the winter, says Jesse Kahn, LCSW-R, CST, director and sex therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City.<\/a><\/p>\n

While a partner alone is no treatment or \u201ccure\u201d for seasonal depression, \u201cfinding a partner to navigate those months together may reduce your sense of loneliness or sadness,\u201d they say.<\/p>\n

\"Woman<\/p>\n

Advertisements get\u2026 mushy.
\nKahn says we\u2019re bombarded with messages from the advertisement industry about romance now more than any other time of the year.<\/p>\n

Christmas, Hanukkah, and Valentine\u2019s Day do fall smack-dab in the middle of cuffing season, after all.<\/p>\n

These messages, he says, can make people who aren\u2019t booed up feel like they\u2019d be happier if they were.<\/p>\n

Cuffing may be more a thing now than ever before<\/h2>\n

\u201cDue to COVID-19, it\u2019s less safe than ever before to have friends with benefits or meaningless app hookups,\u201d says Kryss Shane, LGBTQIA+ expert, mental health professional, and author of the forthcoming book \u201cThe Educator\u2019s Guide to LGBT+ Inclusion.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shane says that finding someone to cuff up with \u2014 and be in a social bubble with for an extended period is a much safer way to get your needs met.<\/p>\n

Are people dating during the pandemic? Is that allowed?<\/strong>
\nYes, people are dating.<\/p>\n

\"Man<\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the thing: Whether dating is allowed isn\u2019t the right question, Shane says. The question is, how can you date in the safest way possible?<\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone can get COVID-19, and almost everybody wants to date or have sex,<\/a>\u201d she says. \u201cSo our goal shouldn\u2019t be to stop conversations about how to date during COVID, but instead about how to do so safely.\u201d<\/p>\n

How do you even meet people during all this?<\/h3>\n

With bars, gyms, and other meet-up spots still a no-go, you might be wondering how the heck you\u2019re going to find someone to cuff. Fear not, it\u2019s possible!<\/p>\n

Dating apps
\nThey\u2019re the obvious option, and they\u2019re also an effective one.<\/p>\n

Jess O\u2019Reilly, Ph.D. resident sexologist for Astroglide, recommends that you lean into the apps that are built for what you\u2019re looking for.<\/p>\n

For example, if you\u2019re non-monogamous, you probably want an app built with that relationship structure in mind, like Feeld, #Open, Tinder, and OkCupid.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re looking for a Forever Boo, Hinge \u2014 the app that\u2019s \u201cdesigned to be deleted\u201d \u2014 is probably a better fit.<\/p>\n

\"Coronavirus<\/p>\n

Ask to be set up<\/strong>
\nPandemic or not, a setup is one of the absolute<\/a> best ways to meet someone.<\/p>\n

Someone you trust is vouching for the person you\u2019re about to meet, after all.<\/p>\n

So go ahead and tell your pals you\u2019re interested in being set up!<\/p>\n

For instance:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m telling everyone! I\u2019m currently dating again and on Team Set Up. So, if you know anyone you think I\u2019d be a good match for, I\u2019d love to meet them.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019ve been having a hard time finding partners since coming out as bi, so if you know any folks, PLEASE set me up.\u201d
\n\u201cYour friend is cute. If you think we\u2019d be a good fit, I\u2019d love to be set up!\u201d
\nZoom lectures and events
\nFrom lectures about the history of pandemics to Zoom dance parties, digital events come in all different flavors.<\/p>\n

Your move: Think about something you want to learn more about or do more of, then Google away until you find an event that fits your schedule.<\/p>\n

\"People<\/p>\n

While you\u2019re in attendance, don\u2019t be shy! If there\u2019s a group chat function, use it. If participants can introduce themselves, raise your hand to do so.<\/p>\n

In-person!
\nDepending on where you live, things like outdoor dining, golfing, outdoor fitness classes, and more may be kosher<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If they are, and you\u2019re partaking, make the most out of it by introducing yourself to people you don\u2019t know, exchanging numbers with folks with who you have chemistry, and making plans for the future<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Are you supposed to see them face-to-face? Is that safe?<\/h2>\n

Good question.<\/p>\n

\u201cMeeting up with anyone outside of your typical bubble will pose some level of risk,\u201d says Natasha Bhuiyan, MD, a provider at One Medical in Phoenix, Arizona, and regional medical director for the organization\u2019s West Coast markets.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowever, you might choose to meet up with someone if you determine [they\u2019re] sufficiently low risk,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Bhuyan recommends asking the following questions to help determine how risky a meet-up might be:<\/p>\n

\"Man<\/p>\n

Are you or is anyone you\u2019re living with an essential worker who often comes into contact with many people?
\nHow often do you wear a mask when you\u2019re in public? Under what circumstances are you not wearing a mask? Are you around people who wear masks?
\nHave you been to bars, indoor restaurants, or any other crowded social events<\/a> since March 2020? High risk for COVID-19, you might be more interested in having a PG-13 pen pal or someone to have regular phone or video sex with than an IRL partner.<\/p>\n

\"Person<\/p>\n

On the other hand, if your love language is physical touch and you\u2019re low-risk, you might be more interested in a consistent IRL romance.<\/p>\n

Step 2: Make your intentions clear.<\/strong>
\nThere are no right or wrong intentions. But there are communicated intentions and intentions that are not displayed \u2014 and the latter isn\u2019t fair to your potential partner\/lover\/pen pal.<\/p>\n

Once you figure out what you want, make sure you make that clear off the bat, O\u2019Reilly says.<\/p>\n

That could look like adding the line \u201cLooking for casual virtual play partners, pen-pals, and sexting friends only\u201d or \u201cLiving with my primary partner, but looking for new lovers to go on socially distanced walks and coffee dates with\u201d to your dating profile.<\/p>\n

Or sending a text to drop a hint, like:<\/p>\n

\u201cTo be clear about my intentions: Because it\u2019s a pandemic, I\u2019m looking for something exclusive and committed for a few weeks or a few months. And if it makes sense, maybe even longer than that. What are you looking for?\u201d
\n\u201cJust wanted to let you know that because I have a live-in partner, I\u2019m unable to take the risks of kissing or being intimate until we both get a COVID test.\u201d
\nStep 3: Get busy<\/strong>
\nOn your marks, get set, swipe, zoom, text, sext, and video away!<\/p>\n

Step 4: Plan dates around risk factors and boundaries<\/strong>
\n\u201cBefore you meet, you should discuss your COVID-19 boundaries and risk factors, and then keep those in mind and take proper precautions when planning in-person dates,\u201d Bhuyan says.<\/p>\n

For folks with higher risks, she recommends choosing outdoor activities *and* asking all parties to wear a mask.<\/p>\n

\"Two<\/p>\n

\u201cWearing a mask has been proven to limit the spread of COVID-19, so consider dates that don\u2019t involve eating or drinking to be able to wear your masks [at all times],\u201d Bhuyan says.<\/p>\n

You might consider:<\/p>\n

hiking
\nwalks
\ngolfing
\npark hangs
\nstargazing
\nbiking
\nhorseback riding
\nbonfires
\nStep 5: Talk physical ~stuff~<\/strong>
\nBecause COVID-19 spreads via respiratory particulars (aka spit and boogers), \u201cit\u2019s important to understand someone\u2019s risk factors before deciding to kiss them during the pandemic,\u201d Bhuyan says.<\/p>\n

Depending on how saucy your digital interactions have been, you may also want to talk about other forms of physical intimacy.<\/p>\n

\"Person<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is a good time to talk about all safer sexual activity practices,\u201d Kahn says. \u201cYou might ask the person when the last time they were STI tested was, and what types of barriers they\u2019ve used since then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Step 6: Discuss your boundaries again<\/strong>
\nAfter a few dates, it\u2019s time to dive deeper into what you\u2019re both looking for *and* how you can achieve that as safely as possible.<\/p>\n

For instance, are you both looking to keep things nonmonogamy or mono? If you want to date nonexclusively, how will you navigate that?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What level of seriousness do you have the interest and emotional capacity for? If you\u2019re looking for something to get you through the winter, do you have an ideal point of termination in mind?<\/p>\n

Step 7: Be safe and have fun!<\/strong>
\nTalking about sex and dating during the middle of a pandemic can feel heavy. So don\u2019t get so wrapped up in what could go wrong that you forget to enjoy the person(s) you\u2019re talking about these things with.<\/p>\n

I think I\u2019ve already been cuffed\u2026 What do I do?
\nIt depends!<\/p>\n

\"Loving<\/p>\n

How do you feel about being in a relationship right now? What do you think about this person, specifically? If you feel good about both, enjoy!<\/p>\n

If not, switch courses! How? By c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-n-g.<\/p>\n

How do you know when it\u2019s time to break up?<\/h3>\n

To be clear, whether the relationship is healthy has nothing to do with when it started (winter), and everything to do with things like:<\/p>\n

communication skills
\ncompatibility
\nability to compromise
\nindependence
\ntrust<\/p>\n

\"Woman
\nSo if the relationship has these other factors and you both WANT to be together, stay together!<\/p>\n

If it doesn\u2019t, that\u2019s when to break up.<\/p>\n

Breaking up during the simultaneous COVID-19 pandemic and cuffing season requires the same thing any other breakup does:<\/p>\n

honesty
\ntact
\nkindness
\nclear boundaries moving forward
\nIf you\u2019re ready to move on from this person, set up a time to talk and let them know that you\u2019re no longer interested in something romantic and sexual with them\u2026 nicely.<\/p>\n

The bottom line<\/h2>\n

Dating and sex aren\u2019t off the table amidst the pandemic.<\/p>\n

But because the new coronavirus can spread from just talking with someone who has the virus \u2014 let alone kissing or shagging them \u2014 harm reduction is an M-U-S-T.<\/p>\n

And that means doing things like planning on lower-risk dates, getting tested, wearing your mask, and even leaning into cuffing season.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A First-Timer\u2019s Guide to Cuffing Season \u2014 in a Pandemic Ah, winter. It\u2019s not just…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4408,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[374,2129],"tags":[1664],"class_list":["post-4405","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-covid19","category-general-research-update","tag-pandemic"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/disease-4392163_960_720.jpg?fit=960%2C640&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4405","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4405"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4405\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8102,"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4405\/revisions\/8102"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4405"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4405"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diabetesasia.org\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4405"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}